he shaved USA in his pubs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Are we still banned from the library?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
