who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
