She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
