I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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