I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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