I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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