Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
