worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
