I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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