you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
