FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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