Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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