okay pat passed out under dana's car
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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