he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
