Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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