highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
