She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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