Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
God, I missed his penis.
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