He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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