i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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