mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
