Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
