respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
