i don't like sucking hair
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
