Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
