im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You don't make any sense
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