i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
do nipples grow back?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
