haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
