I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We talked him into tasing himself.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
