Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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