Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
