Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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