the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
