Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
