are you still at the devil's house?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
