nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
