3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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