Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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