Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
