what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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