I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
