I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
