Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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