I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
