I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
