yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
