apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
