I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
