I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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