There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
