I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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