are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
