I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
