Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
