that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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