Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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